Lonley thoughts on Saturday nights.

I’ve concluded -big weddings are just one big awkward moment.

It’s even worse if you’re in a relationship. Hopefuls clinging onto their partners for dear life. Making subtle hints about what a nice touch that would be at their own wedding: when the furthest thought one of the partners has had about the future doesn’t extend beyond what’s for dinner tomorrow and remebering to take the car in for service next Tuesday.

But perhaps though, I’m just being a wedding grinch. Not too much to appreciate, that it was a beautiful wedding. Though I couldn’t help but feel neither the bride nor the groom expected that outcome and it was in fact beautiful by accident. Upon further investigation, I hear originally it would have ended as a braai but the family intervened and made it that spectacle of a fairytale ending as a gift to the happy couple-although when I look at it closely, it was more for the family name’s sake than anything. Either way, very few people agree to get married when they’re 7 months pregnant. I know neither the groom or the bride personally so this is just all observation.

I’m just thankful for the free lunch and fluid guestlist because the way my Saturday was set up, it was just going to be me, some red wine and the new book I borrowed from the library in the morning. That is now today’s plan. Ever the single gal drinking too much champaign & talking too loudly I had quite an enjoyable time -albeit, the champaign was alcohol free so what I was really stocking up on is fizzy juice.

Weddings are hard.

Hard to attend. Hard to plan and hard to sit through. After 3 sets of speeches I did not want to hear, I started thinking how profoundly bored and hungry I would have been at that point if I was the bride. Not to mention being drowsy and needing to urinate every 5 seconds considering she was pregnant. But she still had it easier than me having to attend it. At this point you’re probably wondering why so let’s unpack this. For starters she’s getting the happily ever after -I presume and I’m not. Everything from the playlist to the naseating ‘love’ quotes on the seating plans, menus and programmes is a reminder of just how tragically single you are and how slim your chances of ever getting that are looking. Even if you’re in a relationship, you start thinking about how terrible your relationship might actually be that you’ve been with this man for 4 years now and it’s all very stagnant. Which brings me to this…

The ideal wedding:
-30 guests.
-All married if not all close family and close friends.
-Lasts no longer than an hour, an hour and a half at most. 30 minutes for each segment with the 15 minutes run over time for each.

But as it goes. Those who cannot do, teach. Those who will never get married, hate from outside. I dear friends, am the latter. Funnily enough though, I do not in the least bit crave the institution of marriage. I just want the event. The wedding. The dress, the food, the cute photos and the just got married sex. Then to wake up the next morning and have our relationship be exactly the same as it’s always been. That feeling of never really being sure you have each other and the burning desire to try another day. I still want to go out with my husband and grind on him on the dance floor. I still want to go on silly spontaneous movie dates and not be able to keep my hands off him even though I could do it in the comfort of our home but I do it anyway just because. I still want the random calls during the day about nothing. Only difference is, between all the inbetweens we’re sharing the burdens of adulting and raising our kids like we actually know wtf we’re doing when in fact we do not. A pipe dream in a world where everybody expects too much but nobody wants to put in the effort. A girl can only dream -and blog. It’s the next best thing…

-Randy ♡


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